Do you remember good old days when you could lay down those magic words and customer service would succumb to you? “LET ME SPEAK TO YOUR SUPERVISOR.” And you envision some peon of a customer service rep timidly stepping into his boss’s office saying, “Sorry to bother you Mr. Lumbergh, but I have a customer on the phone who wants his activation fee waived…” They knew you meant business, and you usually got what you wanted. Corporations have become keen to such tactics–gone are the days of asking for a supervisor, they’re happy to transfer your call to someone who has slightly better grammar, is a bit less apathetic and has the ability to credit up to $50 to a customer’s account.All is not lost, however. I’ve determined the new magic words, words that definitely worked for me:

“Before we start, I’m legally obligated to inform you that I am recording this conversation.”

Yes, the pause….the confusion. She (the supervisor) never expected it. Of course this comes with some legal caveats, which you should read up on before making any claims or actually recording a conversation. I didn’t actually record the conversation, but it definitely produced the desired effect. She knew I meant business. It’s like that one time when I forced our landlord to spend $40,000 remodeling and cleaning our apartment because of toxigenic mold. This new strategy was partially inspired by the “Cancel AOL” circus of a phone call.

And below, the bastard of a device, sadly married for 5 years to the wrong carrier.